Monday, October 31, 2005

And That’s When I Knew It Was All Over

Warning – If You Don’t Have Kids, You Will Not Find Humor In This

Asher has a stomach virus. Asher also has a 28-year-old Tibetan nanny whose English is good enough, but still rather limited. Tonight, she was telling me in her imperfect English about his day – what he ate, when he slept, and so on. And when I found myself actually engaged in a prolonged attempt to try to help her find adjectives to describe the consistency of his diarrhea, I knew it was all over for me.
Alito would have us worse off than Papua New Guinea

Wow.
I did a little digging into Judge Samuel Alito's record. Seems he would:

1. vote to overturn the Family Medical Leave Act
In 2000, Alito ruled that forcing employers to allow up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave to care for a loved one (including a newborn) was unconstitutional. The Supreme Court overturned his ruling. As a new father, this is my hotbutton issue. Even with FMLA, we have less mandated leave than any other first world country. Moreover, all of these countries but Australia have PAID leave. Australia is even better off than us, with a full year of unpaid leave. According to USA Today, we have less protection in this area than 163 other countries. We're apparently on par with the venerable nations of Lesotho, Papua New Guinea and Swaziland.

2. vote to overturn Roe v. Wade
The last major test of abortion rights was Planned Parenthood v. Casey in 1991. Alito was the appelate judge who sided with Casey. The case went to the Supreme Court who overturned Alito's ruling and saved the right to abortion. In his dissenting opinion, Renquist quoted Alito.

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Friday, October 28, 2005

I'm checking in from the west-loop area of Chicago, where Centerstage rents an office. Although I'm officially off from NPD today, I've already spent two hours on the phone dealing with marketing, budgeting, and HR issues. Par for the course.

Grabbed dinner with some old college friends last night in Lincoln Square. Wish I had more time to spend with them. Alas, I fly back to NYC tonight. Tomorrow, Sarah is reading Torah for only the second time in her life. She's pretty excited about it, and I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Joke told repeatedly by my 6-year-old Orthodox Jewish niece

Why did the cow cross the road?

Because she wanted to daven mooooosaf.




Apologies to the 99.9% of you who didn't get that.
Warning: Conspiracy Post!!!

Supreme Court nominee Harriet Meirs has been attacked from both the left and the right for her sheer incompetence. One Republican was quoted saying that every time she spoke with senators, she made herself look worse. She failed to complete the standard nomination form and the judiciary committee sent her back to revise it. Unprecedented, right? Well, seems that she blew the deadline for the revised form. Unbelievable, right?

Sarah and I both kind of think that the Harriet Meirs Supreme Court nomination could be a ploy. The Senate knocks her off. Bush nominates a true right-wing nutjob with impeccable Christian credentials, and the Democrats fold because they cannot block a sitting President's second nominee.

On the other hand, this could be another Bernie Kerick move (Remember him - The nominee for Homeland Security Secretary who turned out to have mob ties, questionable finances and multiple affairs?). The Administration could be so boneheaded and so awash in hubris that they honestly thought they could push Harriet Meirs through.

Conspiracy vs. Stupidity. My friend Scott would come down on the side of stupidity. Either way, this bunch should not be allowed to run the damn country.

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Wednesday, October 26, 2005

I was at work for three hours yesterday, when I got a phone call. Seemed Sarah had a nasty stomach virus, and Asher wasn't exactly feeling terrific. So, I got back on the subway, went home, and played with the kid while Sarah retired to bed. Below, are a few of the random thoughts that I had during the course of the day:

- How the hell did Asher manage to spit up into his own ear?

- Why do 90% of our children's books have some sort of barnyard animal theme?

- Feetree. That's a cool name. Why didn't I date anyone named Feetree when I was younger?

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

File Under: Thank God For Useless Distractions

After their win against Michigan State this past Sunday, the AP has Northwestern University's football team ranked #21.

I'm not a football fan. I didn't go to one game during my tenure at NU. I haven't watched a single game this year - or in the last three years, for that matter. And yet, I feel inexplicably elated. Go U Northwestern!

Monday, October 24, 2005

I'm still being pursued by the High Risk Digital Music Company (hereafter referred to as the HRDMC). They bought me breakfast last week and gave me the "write your own package" speech.

Things have definitely shaped up for the HRDMC over the past couple of months, and they're about to create a rather large media buzz. Unfortunately, hype doesn't translate to dollars in this business (because there ARE no dollars in this business) and I'm 98% sure they won't be around in a year. Hmmm...
Making up for mediocrity with robust process

What do you think about that for a business tagline?

Friday, October 21, 2005

An 8-Month-Old's Lament

It's morningI'm hungry.

Someone's awake. I can see a light on in the apartment through the crack in my door. If I talk, they'll come and get me.

I talked. They didn't come. I'll talk again.

Oh. I see my favorite toy hanging from the wall. Okay, so it's my favorite toy insofar as it's the only thing that appears to be in reach and interesting at this very moment. If I pull myself up on the side of the crib, I can get to it...
...the AGONY! I can't stay standing long enough to really catch hold. Now I'm pissed.

I'm also cold. Probably because my genius Daddy dressed my ass in short sleeves last night.

Speaking of my ass, though now in the literal sense, I've got so much old, compressed poop caked to it that I bet you could mine enough coal out of there to heat this damn room and compensate for genius Daddy and his short-sleeve fetish. What's more, the moisture from the poop long ago seeped out through my clothes, and now my belly is wet. No doubt, that's contributing to the fact that I am FUCKING FREEZING!

God, this is uncomfortable. Will someone come and get me? Please? Now? Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now!

Thursday, October 20, 2005

I just noticed that my past two posts used the F-word. I'm not having a bad week. Really, I'm not. I just had a few bad moments.
I've been trying to book a flight to Chicago for the past seven hours.

First, I kept getting interrupted by work.

Then, by the time I got through the process on Yahoo Travel, it told me there were no more seats on that particular flight.

Then, one credit card was not accepted because the card company was having internal issues.

Then, a second card was not accepted because (as I eventually discovered), the company force/stealth-upgraded me to a different product. Signature Visa. What the hell is that, and why wasn't I asked if I wanted it?

Finally got the ticket using Sarah's card.

And now, I'm ready to rip the screen off my laptop, chew it to pieces and launch it out the fucking window.

Why am I going to Chicago? Why, it's the twice-a-decade meeting with one of a couple big media companies that periodically show an interest in buying Centerstage.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Today, I received 106 work-related emails that required a response. And that's only as of 6:07pm.

One of the emails included a 9 page memo and a 1 page summary with a request to see the sender for "the details."

What. The. Fuck.
Best Subway Music Ever




Gastr del Sol's fractured soundscapes are the perfect complement to the morning urban commute experience. I was listening to Upgrade & Afterlife yesterday morning on the way in to work, and it took me an hour to claw my way out of the dream-like haze.

The compositions are detached, yet oddly empathetic; they wreak of a sort of post-apocalyptic solitude, propelled forward by deliberate, sparse piano/acoustic guitar explorations and punctuated on occasion by bursts of electric static. As I listened and looked around, I saw a landscape where we were all out of phase with one another and our surroundings. We co-existed temporarily in the same space - the subway, the street - but as voyeurs, passive additions, adding nothing to the whole. Eyes bored straight ahead or skimmed over the scenery, and eyes never met other eyes. Everything was gray. And the electro-acoustic interplay enhanced the feeling that there was something both deeply human and strangely inhuman going on.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Sukkout began last night, and we went to Sarah’s parents in Forest Hills to eat in their Sukkah, a temporary structure with an open roof in which you’re supposed to eat all of your meals for the duration of the holiday.

We certainly don’t have our own Sukkah, and don’t plan to eat all of our meals for a week in Forest Hills, but this was a fun compromise.

In attendance were Sarah’s sisters Debbie and Naomi, her brother David, his wife Shani, their children Eliana (8), Michal (6) and Sammy (4), Sarah’s parents, some cousins and their adult daughter. And this is a small crowd for the Kaufmans. Tomorrow, they’re having 23 people over.

Asher played with Eliana, Michal and Sammy for a bit, but went to bed before dinner. I guess the excitement got to him, though. Because he woke up at 2am and couldn’t go back to sleep until around 4am. Ugh.

Off to work…

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Sarah and I took Asher down to the Brighton Beach boardwalk today. It's a funny place - with the Russian restaurants, the Orthodox Jews taking Shabbos walks, and a few die-hards attempting a beach volleyball game in mid-October.


Friday, October 14, 2005

Was "out of pocket" (see below) for Yom Kippur yesterday, so I missed some fun back-and-forth in the press.

Let's meditate for a moment on this: The one reason Bush has given for nominating Harriet Meirs to the Supreme Court is that she is an evangelical Christian.

Yep, not only is religion now a pre-requisite for a Supreme Court nomination, but it's THE ONLY PRE-REQUISITE.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Three annoying terms that have recently seeped into everyday business lexicon:

Cover Off - touching base/making sure

Out of Pocket - not available

Ideation - the brainstorming stage of development
We're in a bit of a childcare quandry, and we're trying to get out of it with the nanny solution.

Hey - great band name. The Nanny Solution.

Anyway, there's this one that Sarah likes. Thing is, every time she leaves a voice mail, she ends with brisk "kiss the little one for me." What the hell is that? First of all, you don't know my son. Second, it even annoys me when my own mother tells me to kiss Asher for her. Third, at least put some inflection in your voice, woman. You might as well be telling me to take out the garbage. Not that I want a syrupy sweet sob sister tone, but at least pretend that what you're saying isn't purely business-related.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

I haven't slept for two days.

That, agressive dosages of NyQuil (to no avail), and many pages read of House of Morgan have spawned late-night hallucinations that I'm inexplicably involved in the pre-War fiscal & political machinations of il Duce's Italy.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Seven Baseball Metaphors And One Linked Cavalcade Of Other Sports Sayings Used By A Single Person In A Thirty Minute Meeting Last Week


We know there's not going to a home run here. Our aim is just to get on base.

Right now, I'm just trying to develop my bench.

What we need most is someone in the bullpen who we can call on for some relief pitching.

The company is going to put a lot of wood behind this.

We need to go in spikes up for the next meeting.

I think this is right over the plate for you.

So, that's what's on deck for our team.

I don't want to ask you to jump through too many hoops today. Let's go a few more rounds on this next week. I'd say sooner, but I'm out of pocket until then.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Eating My Words

I've spent a fair amount of time taking the piss out of Ryan Adams and his pathetic passes at appealing to the Starbucks set.

And I still think he's a simpering little shit for the most part, but man, can he write a dusty country song. I'm listening to his new release, Jacksonville City Heights right now. It's beautiful, AM radio border state music filled with a level of introspection and a quality of narration seldom seen on CMT.


Thursday, October 06, 2005

Crying Wolf, Or Real Danger?

Ugh.

There's apparently a specific and credible terrorist threat against the New York City subway system over the next two days. And the photo they're showing on CNN is a photo of my office subway stop.

Makes me more than a little nervous. But... is this just another attempt at misdirection? Former Homeland Security secretary Tom Ridge admitted back in May that all those terrorist alerts during the 2004 election were politically motivated.

I mean... Delay, Frist, Rove, Safavian, Libby all under investigation or indictment. What Bush needs now is a good scare, right?

What the hell do I believe? Seriously.

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Monday, October 03, 2005

Help!!!

My (newly mobile) kid now has a cold - misery both for him and for us. Asher woke up every two hours last night with a river of snot running out of his nose.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Help!!!!

My kid is fully mobile and utterly fascinated with everything that could conceivably do him harm.